WARNING!! This first bit (after this first, first bit) is what is commonly referred to as a RANT. A bigger word for it would be a HARANGUE. Viewer discretion is advised.
Hmm... no post yesterday but I'll give you the important scoop now: not happy. The high school kids don't need me. They don't need anyone for that class because they just don't care. I'm wasting my time almost all the time when I go to do a lesson with Nishizaki-sensei because the kids (and, yes, most of them are behaving like 小学生 even though they are 16/17) don't pay attention, don't listen, some kids bully other kids and I can't do anything because I have no authority over them... etc, etc. I have to be honest: I am not happy with the students at the high school. If they don't decide some time soon that I'm useful to them, I really won't be there for them next year. It's not fair.
This is Canadian style, in case it sounds strange to anyone out there. Many of us express how we feel openly. We don't keep our emotions inside because we feel it just gets worse over time and, in the worst of cases, makes you physically sick.
Anyway, at the high school I feel that I am nothing but a joke. Regardless of everything I know and could share with other people, all I am is a joke. I'm just the foreigner who looks different and is hot and sweaty all the time because this weather is difficult for me. But, I can say this for myself: I am never afraid of anything difficult. I LIKE difficult. I overcome. And it drives me crazy to see that my students at the high school would prefer to waste 50 minutes being worse behaved than any of the kids I see at 小学校. It's the honest truth and I'm sorry if anyone doesn't like to hear it. It's my blog and if you want to know about me and my experience here, you should know the truth, all the time. I'm good at that - always telling the truth. You can count on me for that.
It's just terrible that 16-year-olds can treat a 32-year-old with no respect. As if I haven't experienced anything after living twice as long as them. As if I have no talents to speak of. As if I am only what they see at school (an ALT wearing clothes that are super uncomfortable for me to wear because it's not my style, nor does it reflect anything about me or my personality - but I have no choice).
For the record, I've had many 'downer' days like this in the past at the high school and have always tried to come back stronger and give my best. But the worst feeling is that they JUST DON'T WANT TO LEARN and I don't think they need/deserve an ALT (or at least not one that really does want to TEACH them something).
I care about teaching. I grew up with many teachers in my family. I know the ups and downs of the job. But I like to teach because I REALLY like to learn. I want to learn anything and everything I can in life. But... these kids would rather make a 50 minute class feel like 3 hours than try just a little and help pass the time quickly.
I am disappointed. And I won't let them keep me down. If they don't decide soon to meet me halfway and give a little, I won't be at the high school in April. I hate to let anyone down but I have to think about what's good for me, too. That's a Canadian thing, also. We say, "You have to look out for # 1" and "# 1" is myself.
Let me draw a line here and separate Tuesday from today (Wednesday).
Wednesday: Hachihama elementary school (八浜小学校). It's easy... I love this school and all the kiddies! And the school secretary is a wonderful woman who takes time to speak a mixture of Japanese and English with me and I love doing that! And she is much too good to me (which is a good thing and I am so appreciative of all the nice things she does for me). She gives me liquids to drink all day (which is wonderful because I sweat a lot in the crazy Japanese heat!). And she gives me her homemade juices to take home to enjoy with my Woman, along with the occasional recipe for a juice, too! I am not always good with names, and meant to ask her for hers today but forgot. I will find out next time, for sure.
I taught 4, 5, 6年 today and, seriously, all great classes. I always look forward to visiting 八浜! Thank you to everyone there!
お疲れ様でした。 Thank goodness for elementary school visits!
One link before I go? Hmm... how about this flick (you might want to turn up the volume to hear it properly). It's a video I found about first crushes (which is an intense, usually teenage, infatuation with someone). It's actually an animated short film from a Kingston University student in the UK. Her name is Julia Pott (more here if you become interested). I have no connection to her other than having watched her video on YouTube.
OK... one more called "Dance of Death Animation".
I'm out...
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